Something Better Beginning

Is this the start of another heart-breaker?
Or something better beginning… 
The Kinks – Something Better Beginning

Let’s begin again
Like Martin Luther Zen…
REM – Begin the Begin

Grace to you and peace.

We are now a week into autumn, though you would never know it by the temperatures.  The past few days here in Omaha have been summery, with temperatures in the lower 90’s.

Still, the trees are beginning to turn color, with brown and gold leaves littering the ground.  After blooming non-stop this summer, the flowers in my wife’s garden are fading as the end of one season signals the beginning of another.  But, as they say, in every ending is a new beginning.

This week is a new beginning of sorts for me.  After meeting with my back surgeon for what should be the last time, I have been released from all of my restrictions.  I’m a real person again!  I can do whatever I want.  Within reason, of course. I can’t be an idiot; I need to take care of and listen to my body.  In any event, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, or should I say back?

But, I’m not entirely sure how to handle my new freedom.  My back issues began when I was in junior high.  That’s nearly 50 years ago.  In some respects, my back has defined me, at least defined what I could and could not do. And, for some people, it has defined who I am – the guy with the bad back.

Now, I can leave all that behind.  I can reinvent myself physically.  But, I wonder how it will feel to give up who I’ve been for so much of my life.

In truth, this has been a year of new beginnings for me.  Spiritually, I am in a completely different space than I was when the year began.  For years, my focus was on knowing about God; now, my focus has shifted to knowing God, experiencing God directly without theology or even words.  It’s been an exciting spiritual journey and it has given me a new sense of freedom.  It’s also been a bit scary as I let go of things that have either anchored me or held me back, depending upon one’s viewpoint.

Not that I have given up my basic beliefs about the Trinity or the role of Jesus Christ in my salvation.  The fundamental change has been learning to trust God implicitly.  Trust doesn’t come easily for me, so this has been a hard lesson.  But, it has been freeing.  The result has been that I no longer need answers.  In some cases, I don’t even want answers.  I trust God.  That is enough for me. This is what comes from having a personal, unmediated relationship with God.

The change inside of me is difficult to explain, but perhaps this will make sense:  the basic question in my life has changed.  I no longer ask why, but where.  I don’t ask why this thing or that thing happened; I only ask where is God in this?  When you stop asking the why questions it becomes much easier to see where God is active in your life.

I suspect we ask why questions in order to give things meaning.  It’s much different to say that God caused a devastating tsunami than to say it was just the working of nature.  If God caused it, at least there must be a reason behind it, rather than just the capricious workings of the natural world.

But, Jesus made it clear that God isn’t behind disasters (see Luke 13).  However, God is there at work.  Getting hung up on the why (“who sinned”) blinds us to what God is doing to heal and transform us through these events.  Looking for the “why” too often leads to judgment which might keep us from participating in God’s healing work.

So, what has brought me to this place?  A number of things:  spiritual direction, contemplative prayer, and lectio divina among them.  If the idea of having a deeper relationship with God sounds appealing to you, might I suggest trying a few things?

First, instead of thinking of the Bible as an instruction book, try thinking of it as a vehicle for the Holy Spirit.  Instead of reading the Bible for information, try listening for a personal word from God to you.  Linger over words or phrases that speak to you.

Second, try just sitting in silence with God.  Begin with five or ten minutes each day.  Don’t speak, don’t ask for anything, just rest in God’s presence.

Relationships take effort to grow and maintain.  Like anything else that is worthwhile, these spiritual practices take time to develop.  I’m not close to where I would like to be.  But, I am encouraged to continue in them as my relationship with God deepens.  Who knows where the Holy Spirit will take me?  Who knows where the Holy Spirit will take you?  Enjoy the journey.