Face to Face

I’m thinking all the time
There’s too much on my mind
It seems there’s more to life than just to live it

“Too Much on My Mind” from The Kinks’ “Face to Face” album

After our Pomeranian died unexpectedly and heartbreakingly, my wife and I vowed to never get another dog.  It’s just too hard saying goodbye. 

Well, say hello to Lexi, our new puppy.

We had the best of intentions, we really did.  But, when we saw her face we knew that she needed to be part of our family.  Lexi is a rescue dog, just like Lola, our other dog.

What can I say:  we’re dog lovers.

Earlier this year we met a dog at an Oregon winery. Her name was Hazy and we would have loved to take her home but, she already had a family. The interesting thing is that when I played with her, she kept biting my beard.  This was weird since she’s not an aggressive dog.  Then her owner explained that she was a “Covid dog” and didn’t like people to wear masks.  Apparently, she thought my beard was a mask. 

Hazy would make a great spiritual director.

We spend our lives creating masks for ourselves, usually out of self-protection. These masks can protect us from ourselves if we aren’t happy with who we are, or they can protect us from others if we fear their rejection.  One element of spiritual direction is to uncover that person God created, the person you were before donning a mask.

In my last post I included a quotation from Henri Nouwen which is worth repeating:

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.

However, many of us have trouble believing that we are truly beloved. How often have you thought – ‘I know what I’m truly like; how could God (or anyone else for that matter) love the real me?’

We were not created to be someone else.  We were created to be ourselves. There is a story about Rabbi Zusya, who reportedly said before his death: “In the world to come I shall not be asked: ‘Why were you not Moses?’  I shall be asked: ‘Why were you not Zusya?’”

In order to be who we were created to be, we must claim all parts of ourselves, both the good and the bad, the light and the dark.  That means removing our masks and honestly coming face to face with every aspect of ourselves.  That is not easy to do.    In fact, it can be quite painful.  But, this is the way of freedom.  It is exhausting struggling to be someone or something you’re not. Being yourself frees you from this struggle.  Being yourself allows you to breathe.

When it comes to being myself, I am a work in progress.  I’ve come a long way, but still have a long way to go. I tend to overthink everything.  That’s probably why I love The Kinks so much – talk about overthinking! They are able to argue both sides of a question, sometimes in the same song.  Appropriately, their 1966 album “Fact to Face” was originally supposed to have a theatrical mask on the cover.

But, I digress.  Where was I…oh yes, overthinking.  I have a bad habit of overthinking my actions and the possible responses to those actions.  Consequently, I don’t always show my true face; at times it just makes me feel too vulnerable.  Or so I think.  My goal is to become so comfortable with who I am that I show the same face, no matter the situation.  This is what I aspire to: dropping my masks and coming face to face with myself.

So, I continue to work with my spiritual director.  I continue with my spiritual disciplines. And I continue listening for that voice which calls me Beloved.