Cumber

“and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!'”              Matthew 14

So…last week’s swimming lesson didn’t go as well as I had hoped.  In fact, it seemed like a step backward instead of forward.  The problem, I feel, was cumber.

Cumber isn’t a word we use these days, though we talk about being encumbered or un-encumbered; or we will say that something is cumbersome.  Cumber has to do with being hampered or burdened or even distressed.  Unfortunately, all of those apply to my swimming experience.

Having missed class the week before, I was nervous getting back in the water.  I thought I might have forgotten what I had learned the previous week.  Added to that, I was preoccupied with some personal concerns.  All in all, I just felt very weighed down; in a word, cumbered.

And that came out in my attempt to swim.  If nothing else, I’ve been able to do back floats consistently.  Not last week.  My legs refused to float.  The instructor didn’t know what to make of it.  He said I was doing everything correctly and then added “maybe you’re one of those people with lead in their butt.”  It wasn’t lead; I was just holding onto a bunch of unhelpful stuff and it was literally weighing me down.

I truly believe the mental, physical and spiritual are all intertwined, all affect each other.

For example, ever since the Covid-19 mess started and we’ve been ‘homebound’, my wife and I have been cleaning out our house.  It is amazing the amount of stuff we have accumulated over the years; I have no idea where it’s all come from.  The interesting thing is that as we’ve unloaded things I have felt better and even, in a strange way, lighter.  As we eliminate cumber, I feel better mentally.

This week I’ve been trying to eliminate spiritual cumber.  I feel that God is calling me in a new spiritual direction – literally, I’m about to begin training to be a spiritual director – but I’m not sure I can let go of what I’m familiar with and embrace this new direction. It’s weighing on me, spiritually, mentally and physically.

It all comes back to trust, which is what led me to take swimming lessons in the first place.  In a conversation with my spiritual director, we wondered if there was a link between trusting the water to hold me up to trusting God to ‘hold me up.’  In effect, swim lessons became a type of spiritual exercise, no pun intended.  The aim of any spiritual exercise is to build a closer relationship with God and every relationship begins with trust.

My swimming instructor talks a lot about muscle memory.  The more you do something, the easier and more natural it becomes.  It’s the same with trust.  You begin with the small things and work your way up.  If you learn to trust God with the small things (like swimming) then you can trust God to sustain you in the big things (crisis and loss).

But, it takes practice.  Making time each day for prayer is a wonderful way to get rid of spiritual cumber.  Talking with God (remember, prayer is a conversation), trusting God to listen, listening for God’s response, and then putting things in God’s hands is a wonderfully freeing experience.  It makes your heart feel lighter.

If we try to face the challenges of life alone, if we don’t share the things that are weighing us down, if we don’t unencumber ourselves, we will sink.  It doesn’t have to be that way if we open ourselves up.  God chooses to work through people and thankfully there are people all around us ready to listen and share our burdens.

If you are feeling weighed down, cumbered with negative thoughts, don’t ignore it.  Talk with someone; they may be the lifesaver God has placed in your life.

Grace and peace.