Sunlight and Shadow

Poolside reading…………………………………………meanwhile, back at home

Perhaps no psychologist has stressed the need of self-acceptance as the way to self-realization so much as Carl Jung. For Jung, self-realization meant the integration of the shadow.

Henri Nouwen

I have ascended to the highest in me, and look, the Word is towering above that. I have descended to explore my lowest depths, and I found Him deeper still.

Bernard of Clairvaux

Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)

Bernard of Clairvaux

Hello everyone and happy (belated) 2023!

There is something cleansing about the beginning of a new year. It is always nice to make a fresh start and leave the mistakes and disappointments of the past year behind. The calendar pages remain (mostly) blank, giving the promise of new possibilities.

Many people like to begin the new year with a set of resolutions. I don’t make resolutions but I do set goals. Maybe the difference is slight, but I see a goal as aspirational, something to shoot for, whereas a resolution is “a firm decision to do or not to do something” (according to one online dictionary).

So, no resolutions for me this year. As for goals, I have several, the most important being integration.

We all contain shadow and light, good and bad. The shadow is the side of our personalities that we don’t like to acknowledge. So, we do our best to hide it from others and we even attempt to hide it from ourselves. We create masks for ourselves, idealized representations of who we would like to be.  By denying the less attractive parts of our personalities, we end up leading fractured, false lives. Eventually, as we get farther  from who we really are, as we get farther from the person God created us to be, we become alienated from our very selves. At some point we look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back.

There’s a stranger in my eyes again
I swear to God I don’t know him

Lord Huron

If we want to be whole, if we want to lead authentic lives, then we must acknowledge and integrate all the parts that make us who we are. Even those part we try to hide from ourselves.

So, where do we begin? Where do we look for our authentic selves? The answer is inside. Deep inside, to the place where God is speaking.

Lift up the ears of your heart to hear this inner voice…There is no need to make an effort to hear this voice. The difficulty is to shut your ears to it.

Bernard of Clairvaux

Bernard of Clairvaux, my poolside reading, has been a recent guide. Bernard was an abbot, mystic and prolific writer who lived in the 11^th and 12^th centuries. His influence on spirituality has been enormous. Martin Luther was especially impressed by Bernard. Luther said that Bernard was “the best monk that ever lived, whom I admire beyond all the rest put together.”

Bernard encourages us to go deep, to take a good, long, honest look at ourselves, not being surprised by the “disturbance and confusion” that this will cause us. We need to trust that voice that says “I made you, I love you unconditionally.” Listening to that voice will enable us to acknowledge, not mask, our shadow side. We can then bring it out into the light, where it can be transformed by God’s great love.

For example, people who know me would be surprised to learn that I deal with a great deal of anger. This is my shadow side, the side I have pushed deep down inside so that no one can see it. Ashamed of my anger, this is a side of my personality that I have denied even existed.

But, denying the existence of my anger doesn’t make it go away; it will find ways to come out, usually in an inappropriate manner. By listening to God’s voice, the one that says “I love you no matter what”, I have been able to acknowledge and deal with my anger. By integrating my anger into my personality, instead of pretending it didn’t exist, I have found a new level of peace. I can now express my anger in an appropriate way. After all, there are things we should be angry about (hunger, injustice, bigotry, poverty, etc.).

Writing about St. Francis of Assisi, Richard Rohr observes that Francis believed that the inner life was “where all shadow, mystery, and paradox were confronted, accepted, and forgiven. Here, he believed God could be met in fullness and truth…For Francis the true ‘I’ had, first of all, to be discovered and realigned” (in “The Wisdom Pattern”).

The bottom line is that God speaks to our inner being, calling us to live truthful, authentic lives. Whether we listen or not, God’s voice will continue to assure you that you are enough, that you are loved, that there is no reason to pretend to be someone that you’re not.

I will leave you with these words from St. Paul that I have chosen to meditate on through the year. May you be strengthened in your inner being and have a blessed and whole 2023.

I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. – Ephesians 3:16-17