Love is All You Need

We must know, then, what we are, and that it is not of ourselves that we are what we are. 

Bernard of Clairvaux

[I pray] that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit…as you are being rooted and grounded in love

Ephesians 3

When I get older
Losing my hair
Many years from now…

Not so many years, as it turned out.

I must have been about eight years old when I first heard the Beatles’ “When I’m Sixty-Four.” At the time I couldn’t conceive of ever being such an ‘advanced’ age, much less losing my hair. But, here I am.

And there is nowhere else I would rather be. Life is good and I’m thankful for each day. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to relive any previous age. Sure, my body carries a lot of scars, but they were hard won. And I am much more tolerant than I used to be; my experiences have taught me just how little I actually know.

Someone asked me the other day if I have any regrets and I was not sure how to answer. There are certainly things that I wish I had never said; hurts that I wish I had never caused; and I regret not being able to swim. Sigh. But, I can accept everything that has happened in my life, the good and the bad, because it has brought me to this place.

For the first time in my life I am beginning to know myself. This has been the most difficult part of my interior journey and it has taken the hard work of being in spiritual direction to get there. Not that I am there; that will be a lifelong endeavor. But, I am on the way and for that I am grateful.

Being able to take an honest look at myself and to accept what I see, paradoxically, has enabled me to accept others’ love. I am amazed, knowing what I do about myself, that anyone could love me. But, being honest and open, not trying to be someone or something that I am not, has given me the grace to accept love.

Love is sufficient for itself; it gives pleasure to itself, and for its own sake. It is its own merit and own reward. Love needs no cause beyond itself, nor does it demand fruits; it is its own purpose.

Bernard of Clairvaux

My wife and family and friends have taught me so much about what it means to love unconditionally. You see, the problem was that I put conditions on other people’s love for me.  For years I believed ‘So-and-so will only love me if…’, if I am perfect, or useful, or whatever. I have learned that it is possible to be loved just for being the imperfect person that I am. Thanks to the love that I have received, I am able to love myself. You have no idea how hard it was for me to type that last sentence. Loving myself is something new.

The Beatles famously sang “All You Need is Love.” But, I never understood exactly what kind of love they were singing about. I would make it more specific: “All you need is unconditional love.” What if we all loved one another unconditionally? What if we said I am going to love you no matter what? What if we loved one another the way God loves, with no strings attached?

I can only imagine. Until that happens, I will do my best to be less judgmental and more loving. And I will continue to be thankful for my wife who, though I have lost my hair, continues to send me ‘Valentines birthday greetings and bottles of wine.’

And remember, I love you and there is nothing you can do about it.